I received the Skirt! newsletter in my email a few minutes ago, and decided to check out the list of ten books to put under the tree.  Since I am still waiting for the phone call from the doctor, or for my handy-dandy little pager to go off again with work for me to do, I decided to make my own list of must-read books.

No particular order, though.

1.  Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver.  I adore all of her books, but this one inspired me to change the way I eat.  And plant a squash plant!  (Which bloomed beautifully and grew so fast but never produced ONE SINGLE SQUASH!)

2.  The Hope / The Glory by Herman Wouk.  I know, it’s two books, but The Glory is the sequel to The Hope.  Both are amazing books.  I was entertained enough to read multiple times and learned a lot of history as well.  (I did notice that both of my books have completely different covers than those on Amazon.  Odd.)

3.  Bel Canto by Ann Patchett.  I first read this book several years ago and have since re-read it twice.  The story is fascinating, and so poignant.  I love it.

4.  Freaking Fabulous by Clinton Kelly.  Clinton from What Not To Wear!!  A whole book on how to dress, act, host, and just live fabulously.  I devoured this book and even my mother wants to borrow it!

5.  Women’s Murder Club series by James Patterson.  Strong, sexy confident women working together, fostering amazing friendships, and kicking butt at the same time?  What could be better?

6.  The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins.  I didn’t even know who wrote this one until I looked it up for the link.  It is loooong but wonderful.  I have read it at least 3 times.  The story is so detailed and easy to read!  So many plot lines, also, so it doesn’t get boring.

7.  The entire Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovitch.  Hi-freaking-larious!  When the first book has an early scene with Stephanie’s granny accidentally shooting the chicken off the table at dinner I knew it was going to be good.  I’ve read them all, 1-14, and a couple of the between-the-books novellas she’s published.   If you don’t laugh at Stephanie’s luck or Lula’s actions, or mentally lust over Ranger (trust me) or Joe Morelli, then you have no blood running through your veins and must go to the ER immediately.  Seriously.

8.  Organic Housekeeping.  This is awesome if you are like me and can’t breathe and feel like a 500 lb person is sitting on your chest when you are around most household chemicals.  (Hint:  never ever EVER spray-paint your bathroom cabinet in the bathroom.  No matter how many fans you have on.)

9.  The Lovely Bones by Alice Seibold.  Touching story of the murder of a young girl, told by her as she watches her family.

10.  The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.  I have loved this book since junior year of high school and now own three copies.  I can’t get enough!  The parties, the fashion, the carefree-ness (I think I just made up a word!), the irony, the ending.... a masterpiece.

I think that is a good place to stop.  I could go on all day; I love to read and love so many different books!  These are the top of my list, though.

This morning, I go to the login page for my email.  On the right side of the screen is this ad box, about 2 inches by 2 inches on this screen.  It says “Dinner is in nine hours.  What are you serving?”

You’re kidding, right?  Dinner?  Nine hours? 

Please tell me I am not the only one who has no clue what is for dinner until about 5 minutes before I actually start cooking dinner!  Every night during our chat on the way home from our respective workplaces my husband asks me “What are you thinking about for dinner?”  And my answer is always, without fail, “I’m not!”

 Maybe I’m an oddity – I tend to compartmentalize things.  When I am at work, I think about work.  When I am at home, I leave work in my car.  Literally!  I don’t even bring my work case in the house.  My drive home is a transition period for me.  I listen to the radio, unwind, pick up  Emma.  Then I start trying to think about dinner. 

Me:  “What sounds good to you for dinner?” 

Emma:  “McDonalds.”

Me: “No, real food.”

Emma: “I don’t know then.  Not (fill in the blank with something easy to make).”

Me:  “I don’t know either.”

We proceed to our house where I bring in the mail, bring in the dogs, feed both of them, dry them off first if it is wet outside.  Remind Emma to empty out her lunchbox.  Look through the mail.  Remind Emma to empty her lunchbox and take her school things to her room.  Look in the freezer, hoping for inspiration.  Tell Emma her lunchbox does not belong on the kitchen floor, and remind her to take her school things and her shoes to her room.  Open my laptop to let my email download.  See if my friend is online.  Say hi to her.  Husband comes home. 

“What’s for dinner?”

Me:  “I don’t know, what sounds good to you?”

Then the suggestion/not reallys ensue.

Finally, I just get up and make something.  I run back and forth between the kitchen and the living room, alternately chatting with my friend, cooking dinner, and doing a general pickup.  Let the pasta cook 10 minutes.  Chat a few minutes.  Oh crap the pasta is mushy.  Too bad, we’re eating it anyway.  Gather the dirty clothes from Emma’s room and take into mine; sort the laundry and throw a load into the washer.  Nearly trample an underfoot, meowing cat.  Ask Emma to feed the cats.  Check on dinner – oh good nothing is burning.  Tell everyone to go eat.  Feed the cats.  Eat my dinner.

Then sit down.

Nine hours lead time?  You have to be kidding.  Who does that?

Last night my husband and I watched The Bucket List, with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman.  It was a very good movie, and we both swung from rolling in laughter to sitting in stunned silence, near tears.  And many times within minutes of each other.  Not many movies can do that!

Anyway, the premise of the movie, if you haven’t seen it, is two men in their sixties are struck with terminal cancer.  One has a wife, kids, and grandkids, the consummate family man.  The other is wealthy, divorced multiple times, and alone.  They develop a friendship and come up with a bucket list – things they want to do before they kick the bucket.  The movie is both hilarious and touching as they go around the world, crossing items off their lists and learning important things about themselves.

The creator of the movie came up with the idea after making his own list, and is even publishing a book of lists from outstanding people of all ages, from all walks of life.  He said the last page of the book would be blank, for the reader to make their own list.   I am pondering my own now; it will take me more than a few minutes to come up with one, I think.

Before we ever got home to watch the movie yesterday, I had stopped in at my husband’s office on the way home from work and a seemingly innocent conversation we were having took a new turn.  I was joking that one of the RNs here at the hospital had me paranoid, thinking that back pain was a kidney problem, and that because I was on antibiotics last month for a sinus infection that my nausea yesterday morning was a sign of things to come – as in little ones.  If you don’t already know, you should – antibiotics can interfere with your birth control!  Luckily I already knew that before I ever started taking the pill, because no doctor has thought to mention that to me.

Now, my husband has always wanted more than one child.  I never have, but then again I didn’t grow up thinking I wanted to have kids to begin with.  Emma was a happy accident, and I was completely fine with having only one child.  I am a good mom to one; I think two children yelling and bickering would give me a nervous breakdown.  I was a very happy only child.  Lately, though, I’ve come to realize that if I did become pregnant again, I would not be devastated.  I would not be completely happy, because I can’t see myself putting a six week old infant in daycare, but I don’t see us having another choice right now. 

However, my husband made one comment that made me stop and think.  This whole time, I’ve only been considering myself.  I am young, I have things I want to accomplish before I have another baby.  I want to finish my degree, I want to lose weight before I have a baby growing in there, making me larger.  But, he said that in a few years he won’t want another.  He is older than me; in 3 years he will be 40.  He doesn’t want to be an old dad who can’t physically do things with his child.  I’ve always thought we had plenty of time – I didn’t see it from his side.

Not that I want to throw my pills out, but now I’m thinking that maybe forgetting a day or two here and there wouldn’t be such a cause for panic....

You are an Audrey -- "I am at peace"

Audreys are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

• * If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure
• * I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this
• * Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit
• * Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally
• * Ask me questions to help me get clear
• * Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery
• * Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings
• * I like a good discussion but not a confrontation
• * Let me know you like what I've done or said
• * Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life

What I Like About Being an Audrey

• * being nonjudgmental and accepting
• * caring for and being concerned about others
• * being able to relax and have a good time
• * knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
• * my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
• * my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
• * being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being an Audrey

• * being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
• * being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
• * being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
• * being confused about what I really want
• * caring too much about what others will think of me
• * not being listened to or taken seriously

Audreys as Children Often

• * feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
• * tune out a lot, especially when others argue
• * are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Audreys as Parents

• * are supportive, kind, and warm
• * are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

Saturday was a cold day here.  Those of you in northern states probably laugh at this, thinking “You don’t know what cold is!” but for me, it is cold.   I don’t WANT to know what zero, or heaven forbid negative temperatures, feels like.

A few weeks ago Emma was asked to ring the bell for Salvation Army at our town’s Wal Mart.  The children and youth from our church were doing it for the day, and taking one hour shifts.  Emma signed up, and finally the day arrived. 

I looked in on Emma after she got dressed, and found her in capri pants and a t-shirt.  After much discussion (read that as you wish!) she changed into jeans and a warm sweatshirt.  Before we left, I reminded her to get some gloves.  “But I don’t need gloves!”  Another “discussion” ensued.  She ended up wearing a hat, scarf, and gloves.  The high for the day was projected earlier to be in the forties, but it didn’t quite get that warm.  It even flurried on us.

During our hour stint, many generous people stopped at our pot.  Along with the usual handfuls of change and dollar bills, I saw several bigger bills slide in.  People who didn’t even stop to shop handed me money from their cars.  One gentleman even put in a couple rolls of dimes.  About halfway in, Emma started the “how much longer?” countdown.  She began getting creative with her bell ringing, making up dances and jumping around to keep entertained and warm.  At one point, when she was saying quite loudly, repeatedly, how cold she was, I just reminded her that the people she was collecting money for would be thankful to have the warm coat and warm clothes she was able to choose out of her closet.  Closer to the end of our hour, she told me she thought it was a good cause, but didn’t think she’d want to do it again.  She did remember to tell everyone thank you, and Merry Christmas.  And the good attitude maintained; even the talk about the cold was not whiny or resentful but cheerful.

Later that afternoon our Girl Scout troop went ice skating.  That is one of the things they chose to do with the profits from the recent nut and candy sale.  Every one of the girls made it!  During the last meeting a few said they would not be able to attend, but all eight came at least for an hour.  All but one girl started out  hugging the wall, making their way slowly around the rink.  They huddled in pairs or groups of 3 or 4, coming together and breaking apart, but including every one of them in their groups at the same time. No girl was left alone more than a few minutes.  I was so proud of them for that; they have really grown as a group in the short time they have been together. (I have eight girls, but they come from four different schools.)

One girl in particular made me very proud.  She had never been skating before and had no idea what she was doing.  I could see her slipping a lot, but didn’t notice until she got closer to me that she seemed to be trying to walk on the ice with the skates.  I was not skating myself, but gave her what pointers I could.  A bit later she was still having problems, so I told her to follow one of the girls’ mothers, who was a good skater, and move how she was.  In about an hour and a half of skating, this girl was calling out “Look at me!” and was going across the ice, perpendicular to the wall, with such a huge grin on her face.  It was inspiring!  She was so pleased with herself, and I could tell she was proud of her accomplishment.  Her father was impressed as well.

This weekend, she learned what many of us still need to learn:  You have to let go of the wall if you are going to soar across the ice!  The safety net is there to catch us, not as a security blanket. If we are going to grow as women, as professionals, in any facet of our lives, we must let go of whatever “wall” we are holding on to and take off.  Just imagine the exhilaration on our faces when we succeed then!

One advantage to a long drive is plenty of time to think and reflect.  I remembered things I had forgotten (important-ish things!), thought of Christmas presents for family members, and realised a few things about myself.

I can do whatever I want.  Really!  Not in the sense of sleep in and skip work, don’t pay bills do what I want, but that if I really want to do accomplish something, the only thing standing in my way is me.

Normally I would have given in to my husband’s first reaction – “I can’t drive that far by myself!”  But the stubbornness that is Me reacted immediately to being told I couldn’t and proclaimed “yes I can!”  And I did it!  And I was fine.  Emma and I arrived safely to our destination, had an awesome time, and arrived home safely.  We had a good time, enjoyed each other’s company all six hours in the car, and never argued once. 

This trip showed me how much I can accomplish, if I put my mind to it.   I need to quit being lazy, quit making excuses, and quit being afraid.  I have a list of things to accomplish, and I will do it!  I will lose weight, I will finish my degree, I will start standing up for myself. 

Yes I can!

On Saturday, my daughter and I went on a road trip, just the two of us.  Our whole family had been invited to Nashville for a friend’s birthday, but she and I were the only ones who were able to make it.  At first, when I said Emma and I were going, my husband said “you can’t drive all the way there by yourself!”  Umm... yes I can.  I’ve never understood that logic – that the distance of a trip negates your ability to drive it.  Either I can drive or I can’t!  But I digress...

We left home around 1 pm for the 3-ish hour trip.  Filled up with gas, dropped off a bill payment and picked up lunch on our way out of town.  Except for rain, the drive was pretty uneventful.  Once we got to Nashville, though, we were almost to the correct exit when I accidentally ended up on a different interstate, going the wrong way!  Turns out the two right lanes were exit onlies but not clearly marked (obviously, because I’d never miss that sign, right?) and I was in the far right lane.  After a short detour and a stop at a shop I would have LOVED to spend an hour or so in (I left only with directions back to where I made my wayward exit) we ended up at our friends’ apartment. 

The first place we visited was Centennial Park.  It was beautiful!  And so big... and there were so many squirrels!  We walked around, saw the sights, talked, caught up... just enjoyed each other’s company.  Then we went to dinner at a delicious Chinese buffet restaurant that I cannot remember  the name of for anything.  After dinner we visited Opryland Hotel (www.gaylordopryland.com I think) to see the Christmas sights there.  WOW is the main reaction.  It was beautiful there!

Around 8 our time (Nashville is in CST, I live in EST) my mom started calling.  First to see if we were on our way home yet.  Nope, having a good time!  Then at 9 – “Since it’s so late and the weather is so bad (light rain) why don’t you spend the night and come home tomorrow?”  Nope.  No pjs, toothbrushes, changes of clothes, clean undies, anything.  Besides, I have stayed up later than that hundreds of times!  But, moms worry, right?  Emma and I arrived home around 1215, not terribly late at all.  Just outside Nashville I had stopped for coffee, just in case.  I got a 24 oz mocha cappuccino with extra caffeine.  I finished it about 20 mintues from home.  Needless to say, I wasn’t nodding off on the drive, nor was I going to bed any time soon after arriving at home. I finally went to sleep around 2, woke up at 730 and refused to get up, and ended up sleeping unitl almost 11.  Nice sleep to end a nice trip!

We had such a good time, and I want to go back again soon.  The distance isn’t so great and it is always good to spend time with friends.  That is what made the trip worthwhile.

1.  Ocean Spray Cranergy energy juice drink

2.  Aquafina Alive in peach mango

3.  Redken BodyFull line – I have superfine, superflat hair and this stuff works miracles!

4.  Blackberry.  I have a Pearl, which is a bit smaller, but my husband has a Curve.  I think I want a bigger one when I can upgrade next!

5.  Books.  Lots of ‘em.  If you want a list, that’s a whole other blog entry.  And way more than ten things.

6.  Hair clips.  Aforementioned superfine hair will not do ANYTHING so I carry some kind of clip constantly.

7.  Tivo.  Seriously, how did I live without this??  It is amazing!

8.  The internet.  Ok, is this really a product?  But I can’t imagine my life without it.  Email or IM is my main contact with many friends and relatives, most of whom are in other states or countries.  Free chatting?  Instant letters instead of two weeks each way?  A-mazing.  And there are so many other things the internet provides I can’t imagine going without...

9.  Sattelite radio.  When my husband first said he wanted to put it in my car, I balked.  I listened to one radio show in the morning on my way to work, the news at lunch if I went out, and channel-surfed on my way home.  He kept saying, “Just try it, I bet you won’t listen to regular radio again.”  He was right.  I have 30 presets on my unit, and all are filled.  And now that the Sirius and XM channels have combined, I am thrilled!  So many new things to listen to! 

10.  My Franklin Covey wheeled business case.  Yes, I could have gotten a plain black nylon one for a third of the price.  Yes, I didn’t really NEED it.  But, it’s red, it’s pretty, it holds everything I need, and I’m not dropping stuff all over the hospital.  I have a place for my pens, folders, wallet, a book, and the miscellaneous other things I need during the day.  And it travels so nicely!  It will even hold my laptop if I take a few things out!