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November 25 Coming to terms....Yes I know it's been a long time since I've posted. I have tried several times, but I end up getting all emotional and can't do it. I am beginning to accept what is coming up in the near future, but it is still extremely hard for me. The month the doctor gave my grandmother has passed, and she is still hanging on. Just when we think "this is it" she comes back around. Last weekend and this weekend I stayed at their house the entire weekend. Yesterday she was out of it a majority of the day. She stays in a dreamlike state most of the time, talking a lot but not to us, usually talking in her sleep. She will answer if you talk to her sometimes, though. Today my parents' minister and his wife came to visit and she came around when they came in, talked briefly to them. Just after that my husband and daughter arrived, and she greeted my husband and asked where Emma was. That made Emma so happy, since Thursday Mema was never awake long enough to know Emma was there. The poor girl is having such a hard time with this. We all are, of course, but kids just don't know how to cope with this - not only is someone they love very ill and fading, but also the ones who are usually the strong ones are upset and sad too. She's always gotten upset whenever I get to the point of crying; last weekend I just had to a little bit and she said, "Mommy please don't cry!" I explained to her that sometimes you just have to, and it is perfectly okay to cry too. There is no reason to hold it in when you are this sad and upset. Last week also I didn't go to scouts - I am so lucky that one of the mothers said she'd handle the troop when I needed it during this time. After last weekend I just was not mentally or emotionally able to deal with it. If nothing changes with Mema I will be doing the meeting this week, though. I feel like I'm neglecting them. November 09 It's too much!Do you ever feel like life is giving you more than you can handle?? That's how I'm feeling right now - it's too much for us! Almost three weeks ago now my grandmother was released from the hospital, and the doctor said that without dialysis she had maybe a month left. She chose no dialysis, so every minute with her is precious. This is my mom's mother, and we have always been VERY close. We are all having a hard time dealing with this. She lives with my parents now, and my mother is exhausting herself taking care of her. I know that my mom is glad to be able to do it, but I worry about her, too, because she is wearing herself out! She is not sleeping well, and she has her house and normal activities along with taking care of my grandmother. Then last Sunday my dad's brother David died. If you're interested my cousin Amy wrote a nice passage about him here, and his obituary is here. My father flew to Phoenix yesterday for the funeral tomorrow, as did their other siblings. There are ten in all, and David and my father were close in age and to each other. My mom had to stay here; she is taking care of my grandmother. Add to that my not working in two months.... It's just too much worry! And to top it all off I came down with strep throat. I started crying in the doctor's office! I did get a call today from the temp agency and I start a new job on Monday. Not sure how long it will be, but it pays pretty well. |
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